Rude Things to Ask LB

Sneak: We do education on multiplicity, so we get asked a lot of questions. That's okay!

Rogan: The problem comes when we get asked offensive questions over and over.

Sneak: We also get people on the total opposite side of the fence, people who are so scared of offending us that they won't ask anything. Which is it's own problem.

Rogan: So we're here to help! We're going to put all those rude questions and their answers in one big post. That way, people learn and we never have to answer these questions in person again!

Sneak: So here it is! Rude questions to ask us!

Question #1: Are you dangerous?

Rogan: If there was ever a question I wish I never had to answer again, it would be "are you dangerous?"

Sneak: If you really wanted to get philosophical about it, just about anyone could be dangerous, in certain environments, and we're no exception to that. I mean, sure, I'd like to think that I'm a very nice person who would never hurt anybody, but then again, I've never really been put into a situation where I've had to.

Rogan: Exactly. This question is, in a way, impossible to answer, and yet, nobody asks this before we come out.

Sneak: For those of you who've never seen us in person, we don't "look" dangerous. We're five-foot-four, skinny, and we aren't very strong. If anything, I think this question says more about what people think is dangerous--we go from "young boy or young woman, not a threat" to "mentally ill person, possibly dangerous." That's a pretty big change!

Rogan: This question presumes that being multiple is dangerous, and something we have to disprove with our good behavior, even if you thought we were totally not dangerous for the years you knew us before. Now, popular media has a lot to blame for this--Jekyll and Hyde, Multiple Migs from Silence of the Lambs--but still, it's very annoying.

Sneak: Would you have asked us this question before? No? Then please don't ask us it now.

Question #2: How do you have sex?

Rogan: People apparently aren't very imaginative in their sex lives, if they have such a difficult time figuring out mine. See, my sex life is private. Maybe one day, a great multi sex educator will arrive on the scene, but that person ain't me. I will answer questions about my sex life to friends, but you probably aren't it.

Question #3: why do you hate the psych system?

Rogan: Arrrgh!

Sneak: For the record, we've been very lucky to have had a pretty good experience with the mental health industry. But historically, the mental health industry has done a lot of horrible things to the people in its care, and still does. We know people who the mental health system has hurt. Naturally we're going to distrust it when it has the capacity to wield such power over us, and a history of misusing it.

Rogan: At the same time, I think the psych system is very useful... if used PROPERLY. Taking care of your mind is important, if you can afford it and find someone who works with you healthfully.

Question #4: I know you asked me not to, but can't I call you a personality? I need to differentiate you from people...

Sneak: No, you may not call us personalities. We don't call you a personality; we call you a person. Same here!

Rogan: Double ill-advised points if you have to have it explained to you more than once. I don't like being called a faggot, or a tranny. 'Personality,' in my mind, is just as offensive. So is 'part,' 'piece,' or god help me, 'fragment.' All those words are used to dehumanize me; I don't want to hear them.

Sneak: We used to be okay with the word 'alter,' but we're not anymore. So it's a personal thing. When in doubt, ask which words are okay, and then use them.

Question #5: Are you going to seek integration/a cure?

Rogan: Of course not. Only sick people seek cures, and we don't see our existence as a sickness.

Sneak: We work on issues like eating disorder, depression, dissociation, stuff like that. But that's not the same. We aren't hurting ourselves or each other, just by being here.

Question #6: Can you prove you're multiple?

Rogan: Prove you're singlet and get back to me.

Sneak: What he means is, a lot of people ask us to prove it, but don't actually give us the criteria that allow us to pass, and then they just keep moving the goalposts so we always fail. No thank you.

Question #7: any question concerning the identity of our "host," "core," "original," or "real person"

Sneak: We don't have one anymore. She died in 2005. And not everyone HAS an "original person" at all! Please don't make assumptions!

Rogan: What's interesting to me is that singlets tend to assume that the host/core/whatever is the person speaking to them. So when Miranda fronted a lot, people assumed SHE was the 'real person.' When I fronted, they assumed I was. When Mac fronted, they assumed HE was. And so on.

Question #8: do the voices tell you to do bad things?

Rogan: We're not voices, we're people. And mostly, we tell each other to buy milk at the store, or to pick up litter.

Sneak: Falcon told us not to jump off a bridge that one time. That was a VERY good thing!

Question #9: are you a boy or a girl?

Sneak: This one isn't offensive so much as it is a complete brain-breaker. It's like walking up to an entire family of mixed genders, and asking them to pick one.

Rogan: We have four guys, two girls, and two who are neither. So we can't even get a majority rule.

Sneak: They. Call us THEY.

Question #10: OMG multis are so fascinating please let me learn all about you I've never met a multi before!

Sneak: I think a lot of people think this is a compliment, that they think we're so interesting, but really, it's kinda a little startling and weird. It's like we're not human beings so much as an exotic sideshow or something. Maybe we're just used to thinking we're more boring than we actually are, but just a, "Hi, I'm curious about multiplicity and you seem cool. May I watch you?" is plenty, really. You don't have to gush over us!

Rogan: At the same time, this particular behavior isn't a huge deal. It happens, and on the list, it's possibly the least obnoxious.

Sneak: Oh yeah, if you did this, don't beat yourself up. Just don't do it anymore!

Question #11: How can you identify as such-and-so if your body is a such-and-so?

Sneak: Because it's not US. It's just a container, a vessel!

Rogan: This is apparently a really hard concept for some singlets. They really seem intensely identified with their vessels. It's kind of weird to me, but okay.

Sneak: In reality, we see ourselves very differently than our body. It doesn't control our age, gender identity, sexual orientation, or physical appearance. It's like a car: it's how we get around and interact with other cars, but it isn't us. We just try and make sure the car is in good repair and is comfortable for everyone to drive.

Question #12: will you have a sex change/get a penis?

Rogan: This one makes me cringe. First of all, our genitals are none of your business. Also, due to the make-up of our system, we are uncomfortable with basically any single gender presentation, so a sex change would give us the exact same problem, just in the opposite direction. Now, if I could REMOVE the gender marker from our paperwork, that'd be fantastic.

Miranda: We have modified this vessel to be as comfortable as possible for as many system members as possible. It tends to come off as androgynous or confusing to other people, but it's what makes us most comfortable mentally.

Question #13: why would you date a headmate when there are real people out there?

Rogan: Please don't act like one of us is more real than the other. It's the fast track to honking us off.

Question #14: Wouldn't it be easier if there was only one other around?

Sneak: No. Why would it be? You don't walk up to families and ask them if it wouldn't be easier if they only had one kid, instead of three. It's totally denigrating all the wonderful things that might come from having three kids!

Question #15: What is you/your body's sexual orientation?

Rogan: Again with the idea that the body is an independent entity! Okay, guys, let's be clear about this. Our body is like a car. It can't turn on the ignition by itself; it needs the driver to do that. Physical arousal is not the same as attraction, as any poor person who gets a boner in eight grade math class can attest. Attraction is a personal, mental thing.

Sneak: We all have different sexualities, except for me, M.D., and Gigi, who are straight-up asexual.

Question #16: What's your "real" name?

Rogan: My real name is Rogan Lee. Our real name is LB Lee. What are you really getting at here?

Sneak: That's not the name we were born with... but unless you're writing us a check, we're not going to give you that name, because it belonged to our dead original girl, and it's really, REALLY weird to get called a dead person's name.

Rogan: Don't ask. If we're okay with you knowing, we'll tell you. It's not that hard to find out.

17. Isn't that schizophrenia?


Sneak: Schizophrenia involves delusions and hallucinations or thought disturbance. Multiplicity, even if you're going by strict DID rules, doesn't. There might be memory problems, and abrupt front switches, but that's a totally different thing. Schizophrenics may have no memory problems at all!

Rogan: Schizophrenia has many other different symptoms than just "voices in the head." It is incredibly short-sighted to equate the two things.

18. So you are basically a disease then?

Gigi: No. You have a disease. It is called Chronic Stupid, and it makes you say very rude things to people without thinking first. You should go to a doctor for that.

Rogan: Er, more politely speaking... calling me, my life, and all the wonderful things I contribute to it a "disease" is rude as hell.

19. Is Rogan black?

Rogan: *siiiiiiiigh* PLEASE don't ask me this. Really, just... just don't. It's just this huge can of worms and politics that I really feel uncomfortable getting into. Regardless of what I personally look like, I inhabit a white vessel. No matter how I personally behave, people around me perceive us as white. I have never had to experience racism. So regardless of what I look like, I personally am in a privileged position. As for internally, the racial history is... complicated. I'm brown, okay? Be satisfied with that.

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